National Incompetence Stockpiles at Full Capacity
By Andy Borowitz - April 4, 2020
According to the G.A.O., the Incompetence Stockpiles are so well stocked at the moment that they are in danger of overflowing.
“The sheer tonnage of failure and impotence that is being dumped into the stockpiles on a daily basis is straining their ability to contain it,” the G.A.O. statement read.
Davis Logsdon, a professor at the University of Minnesota who has written the definitive book about the National Incompetence Stockpiles, said that the nation’s futility reserves stand at their highest levels ever, eclipsing the record stockpiles established during the tenure of President George W. Bush.
“The Bush Administration tapped the National Incompetence Stockpiles when it invaded Iraq and responded to Hurricane Katrina,” Logsdon said. “At the time, it seemed as though the stockpiles would never be fully replenished, and that makes the Trump Administration’s achievement all the more striking.”
According to the statutes governing the National Incompetence Stockpiles, individual states may draw on the federal reserves of idiocy in times of emergency, but so far the governors of states like Georgia, Texas, and Florida have been able to rely on vast stockpiles of their own.
Satire taken from HERE.
Satire from The Borowitz Report...
Fauci Urges Non-Essential Worker to Go Home
By Andy Borowitz - April 3, 2020
Speaking to reporters, the esteemed virologist said that he made the decision to expel the worker for “the health and safety of others.”
“He said that he felt fine coming to work every day,” Fauci said. “I told him, ‘You may feel fine, but by coming into work you are endangering the lives of countless others.’ ”
Fauci said that his decision to send the non-essential worker home was based on the most recent scientific findings.
“What we’re learning is that breathing and talking can put lives in jeopardy, and this one worker did more breathing and talking than anyone else on the team,” he said.
The employee is expected to spend fourteen hours a day in isolation watching television, a two-hour increase from his normal routine.
13 comments:
I’m a 60 year old gay man from Georgia, you have moderation turned on so you don’t post anyone’s comments in whom differ with yours. I am neither a Democrat or Republican, I’m just an American trying to have the American dream, but you from your post are a pitiful, evil,vile hateful human being. I feel sorry for you.
Opa - See? You are wrong.
@Opa
I understand what you mean, but I think Rick hates the current administration of the United States and, since the blog is his, he writes it every day. Is Rick exaggerated? Maybe, because he seems truly obsessed by current USA's POTUS! I specify that I am Italian and I see the USA from Italy, but evidently he really believes that this administration is a tragedy and, in his blog, he fights his personal battle. I believe, however, the supporters of the current POTUS are very few, even in the world. However we will see it next November. Even in Italy we had in the past a premier and a political class that we had to be ashamed of. And indeed many were ashamed, and rightly so. I know how one feels with politicians who are a source of shame and affliction.
Similarly, he fights his own battle against every religion: a battle, in my opinion, just, necessary and important. I think every religion is a mythology, exactly like the religions of the past: the Greek, Latin, Mayan, Atzecan ones etc. I believe that there is a god and an afterlife, I firmly believe in reincarnation, but I don't believe in revealed, positive and prescriptive religions and completely realized by men, by a humanity in its infancy, a childhood from which humanity should go out.
Xersex - Wow, what a well-written comment! Thank you very much!
He may dislike the current administration and he may dislike the President, but that is no excuse for being a horses rear about it. I don’t like everything our current President says but I didn’t like the former one at all! I never went around bashing Obama even though I disagreed with much of what he did. I mean it’s fine to disagree, but to act like a donkeys butt and continually berate some one shows what kind of person you are. He wants us to see his point of view only and none other, I’m sorry but that is just not cool at all. I appreciate your remarks to me xersex, but you and I will have to agree to disagree concerning rick. There is never ever a cause to be evil, vile, hateful and bitter about everything.
the blog that you and I are writing on, belongs to Rick. If he writes on his blog, it is obvious that what he writes and what he publishes reflects his point of view. What point of view should he reflect otherwise?
Maybe Rick should have a more detached and "zen" attitude and less obsessive and obsessed. He would probably be better too.
Having said that, however, everyone reacts and behaves as he wants/can: for example, in my blog (here), I never publish political posts about any country, nor even references to the present. It's my personal choice. However, if you hate Rick's blog so much, you can also avoid looking at it. There are blogs that don't interest me and that I even hate: I don't look for them, I don't see them, I don't read them. Simple, isn't it?
Xersex - Thank you once again! You are right that it would be healthier for me to not be so obsessed.
Maybe it would be better for Rick to have a less involved attitude. But life is his, the blog is his and health is his. Bye
Xersex - I appreciate your caring, but it's something I just gotta do.
I know you're fighting your personal battle.
Some things need to be done, regardless of everything.
Xersex - Thank you.
I only ask you one thing: don't think that the USA has a monopoly on the stupid political class! Currently there are people in Italy who, if they win the elections, could make us feel more ashamed than what has happened in the past. There is never a limit to the worst!
Xersex - The politicians are ruining the world.
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