2. Cats can teleport—just leave an empty box/bag/container out, and your cat will suddenly appear inside of it.
3. Grating scalp scratch? That means it’s time for breakfast.
4. They’ve also nailed down hardcore tuna breath.
6. If you don’t watch your step, your foot will end up in a sweet little pile of vomit.
7. ...or wet hairballs.
8. ...or litter pellets.
9. ...or a tail (for which you will never be forgiven).
10. That somehow they manage to stand entirely inside the litter box, and still pee just outside of it, probably to deliberately mess with your head.
11. No, that’s not a herd of wildebeests; it’s my eight-pound tabby running down the hall.
12. And yet it’s shockingly easy to lose a cat...inside a studio apartment.
13. ...or living room.
14. ...or closet.
15. ...or honestly anywhere with a small, dark corner.
16. If it’s not a fly in your house, your cat has seen a ghost.
17. Put your glasses on your nightstand, and your cat will sit and stare at them for 20 minutes.
18. And then casually nudge them onto the floor.
19. Along with anything else sitting up there, including but not limited to: pens, ChapStick, mail, plants, spoons and picture frames.
20. 11 p.m. is the perfect time to go absolutely apeshit.
21. So is 5 a.m.
23. Your brand new Crate & Barrel sofa is interchangeable with a scratching post.
24. As is your shin, especially when you’re wearing your most expensive J. Crew work pants.
25. According to your calculations (and laws of physics), there’s absolutely no way your cat can jump from said nightstand into the top shelf of the closet—until they defy gravity and do it.
26. Which is why you’ve learned to eyeball the highest corners of your/their home as soon you as you enter.
28. The truth is, we measly humans must accept that the only real control we have over them is when we have a laser pointer in hand.
29. But it’s all worth it for those precious three seconds when they decide to lie on your chest and purr.
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